August 19, 2014


That thing. That thing where you're learning something and it is SO BLOODY EXCITING, but you know if you talk about it to people they will either think you've gone a bit insane or that you're bragging.

!! I made a tiny, little, itsy bitsy method in ruby and managed to get it to work in irb. GREAT GLORY AWAITS!

Now I make a game involving the fish house. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. I may not be able to make the game at's not strictly related to learning ruby for computer science purposes...but, IT WILL HELP. hahaha. Poor ruby, so confused about it's self. C is so much more calming, if a bit...uhm...demanding.

Still feeling a little bit like I'm not doing anything at work - mostly because I don't get the big picture (I'm not being allowed to see it) yet. Spent the last couple days quieting an angry servo with caps and frequency adjustments and finally just wrapping it's bloody wires around a little torroid. HAhahaha. Now I wait for parts to arrive and pretend that I'm not laughing at the terrible code tutorial jokes.

The library won't let me get a card yet because I don't have any mail with my name on it. What bullshit is this? Ugh. No books for the homeless, I guess.

I have a tidy little image file sitting on my work laptop...but no usb to copy it to. Sigh. I'm almost ready to try linux, after all this time. hahaha. I finally broke when I couldn't use the cal command with looked so nice! No windows equivalent that I could find. Tragic, really.

Work is so silent. There's around 8 of us in the room, usually, and no one speaks unless it's specifically needed. It's...quite pleasant, actually.

August 11, 2014

...don't say anything at all

I have not been this viciously anti-humanity in at least a year or two. It's actually overwhelming me to the point where I had to consciously affix a mild upturning of my lips on my face in order not to kill anyone on the way home*. (No, really, it does work, even if it makes me hyper-cynical at the same time.)

Getting to the point where I can go back and forth between Ruby and C and make them do almost the same thing. Can't quite get Ruby to do the inline C trick yet, though. I have a suspicion that it's because I'm using a windows environment. I'm too self conscious to learn Linux at work, and too tired when I get home...possibly I'll try it on the weekend if I'm feeling a bit energetic.

We were supposed to get to test our lovely little servo CCTs today, but no luck; seems it got busy all of a sudden. I'm really getting quite tired of not being given any work to do for long periods of time. It's a weird line between not bothering your supervisor too much about what you should do and looking like a lazy ass because you don't. Gah. Well, I certainly wasn't going to say anything today; in my present mood I might have defenestrated someone.

On the plus side, \\ - removed due to excess bitchiness -\\ Yes. It has been a day.

*Smiling. It works, bitches

August 5, 2014

O Wow

It has been a while, hey?

I built a little servo circuit today. It was fun, and easy. Yay for breaks from thinking in bizarrely twisted not quite math. C is making me learn math from a whole new angle, and I like it, but it ties my head in knots. I'm perversely resistant to anyone giving me input until I've asked for it, though, as though they'll spoil the surprise for me. heh.

Having to trick C into performing mathematical gymnastics really IS the way to learn. They should teach kids programming and then make them teach the program math. They'd learn way faster.

I think maybe I'll become a professional Layabout; traipsing from house-sitting to house-sitting, keeping my boxes on a pallet in a warehouse carefully wrapped in plastic. It's certainly economical, if a little exhausting after a while.

Word is I move into a permanent address the second week of September. I'm going to live above ground, guys. For real.

My reeds are good and I feel like I've gotten better (which of course means I'm not getting any better currently) better get back to more structured practicing soon (though the slacker practice has been super fun)

April 25, 2014

(Not So) Strange That It Comes To This

Funny that I come here.

I can't write anything anymore. Everything is so fucking literal.

May 10, 2013


The stone falls upwards
through the murky weeds and startled fish.
The water beads on the leaves and heat pours from my head
I wonder how we manage to limit ourselves
as the air grows close and heavy.

It`s time to uproot; to fly outwards
earthbound no more, with the ocean beneath and above.
So many precious people linger behind,
but forward is the only upward I know.

March 11, 2013

This Place Is A Relic

So, we got back together.

I'm cleaning up from Game of Thrones.

Currently Listening: Crystal Castles - III (listen)

March 8, 2013

I Leave The Heat Off

It's freezing in my apartment.

I won't turn the heat on.

There is a metaphor here. It isn't complicated, but it needs a touch of context.

There is a sorrow here. It isn't complicated, it just needs a touch of context.

Currently Listening: Austra - Home (listen)

March 5, 2013

If I Could Be Asleep Now I Would

I slept for 11 hours last night. It was lovely. I wish I could still be there.

I dreamt, vividly, although I do not remember of what. But it was not of this, not of being awake, where I am now.

Things could be worse, I'm stable enough, but I really would rather sleep. Potentially as much as physically possible.

Night will come soon enough. And then, hopefully, once again to dream, to dream of a place and a time that is not here, that is not now.

March 4, 2013

It literally feels like a hole in my chest.

I'm not sure I'm capable of being genuine right now. At least, genuine in a context where I need to keep my job, not lose friends, and not go to jail. The feeling is almost like vertigo.

Currently Listening: Rustie - Slasherr (listen)

March 3, 2013

My Heart Is Full Of Poison

It's the anger, really. It makes me feel sick.

Obviously, I don't mean in my actual heart. Truth be told, it resides more anatomically in my stomach.

Perhaps the fact that I never told you about this blog should have tipped me off to the idea that it wouldn't work.

December 17, 2012

when we're together

Oh but this is different. I've gone and done it, you know; I've grown up the way I wanted to. Nothing's perfect, but everything is gloriously dripping with emotion and though it might be dark there is so much possibility for brilliance.

There aren't really words strong enough to express how lucky I feel these days.

The technologies we have are so neat. And you know, I get them, and I can teach myself about the ones I don't know yet. My main obstacle these days is really my own tendency to get inexplicably depressed and fall into apathetic lethargy. I suppose that's always the way, though, when everything else is taken care of you've just got yourself to overcome.

I'd say I wish I had more time to experiment with stuff, but it'd be a lie. I don't work well with spare time. I like deadlines and impossible schedules and as much as you can pack in a day. But I've been allowing myself to slide into the lazy shore-cycle of doing as little as possible lately. It's pretty easy, because I'm still doing a lot, so justification looks logical, but I know I'd be happier if I was doing a bit more. It's just the strategy of how much more is completely ridiculous.

I need to have a workout schedule, a reed production schedule and a skiing time allotment. For a start I think that's good. Tomorrow running and tiny weights. haha.

November 21, 2012